Posts Tagged ‘refuse’

No amount of words can bridge

the distance of years in silence-

because the sun hides its face

like the way a tyke, fatherless

and left out into the world

to fend for himself. Alone.


Someone has to refuse

to become the victim anymore.

You knock some doors

and it is locked. You are not

welcome there. And a hand

is restrained to touch his own


shadow or an image reflected

a life mirrored in water.

Disowned molting who just

learned its first flight

and give ambled wings

to shattered dreams.


Of the smell of gunpowder.

The handprints on paperbills

and the bitter taste of wine.

None of which represents

your true bone stripped of flesh.

An animal with no redemption-

heartless and chained.


You will refuse to let the past

define you of who you will become.


And you begin the journey

to a place of faceless and nameless

strangers. You will exist

as though you just have lived

and strip down the shadow

as an old clothing. Naked and free

shimmering like a newborn child.

Read Full Post »

Newspaper reading is a habit that I never had given up since I was young.  I would recall my father, would let us read a news article and ask us how we understood what we have read.  My younger brother and sister would often cry, if they cannot utter their explanation in English while I, as the eldest in the brood would try to pick and match English words along with my mental reasoning in Tagalog.

I would always remember how my father would always bring along newspaper after work so that he can continue reading at home.  And I remember how he clipped Supreme Court articles from Inquirer and compiled them in an envelope.  Maybe because he always wanted to be a lawyer before but because of poverty he was not able to pursue it, and instead he joined the army to become a soldier.

I would always remember the first time I have written a long letter in English, when my father edited the grammar and the spelling in red ink. Oh, I was so ashamed to find that my efforts then, are not good enough for him. But the many instances of correcting my English composition never stops with my father, even up to the time I was about to join a school organ in high school. 

I have a set of poems that I secretly hid underneath the center table, that he found by chance.  By the time, I was about to pull it out and insert my new poem, I was filled with rage to find out that he checked them again and edited my poems in red ink.

I contested to him that poetry is not totally structured like a normal prose and a poet has this poetic license to creatively fashion out the words in imagery. And I also told him, that my writings are for my own personal consumption and he is not supposed to meddle with it. That was the time when my father stops correcting me in the aspects of my writing in English. That was the time, that I have thought that I can be so independent within my own judgement. 

But now, as I was reading a newspaper, the English dictionary is always beside me. Why? My vocabulary had suffered so much and the way I compose my articulations in English are way behind to improving. It’s dismally predictable.  Whenever I am contemplating, I have realized that my attitude is somewhat like that of the child before and had never grown up on life. The point that I have stop learning new things and accepting mistakes had crippled me to grow more.

As I am writing this, I am teary eyed to know, that the world has left me behind among the shadows.  And this fear of being rejected and corrected by people has pushed me deeper to this abyss of self-pity.

I am one of those who had refused to learn.  That is why, only a handful of people is ever willing to teach a person like me who still got so much to learn on life.  Learning does not necessarily come from people who had this so academically  inclined nature but true learning comes from people who are willing to share and expect nothing in return.  And I was hoping, that they will not see me as a person filled with pride but a person who strive to be teached and trained more and more.

Read Full Post »