Posts Tagged ‘paradigm’

Musically Challenged

I have always wanted to learn how to play the piano.  It is one of the things in my bucket list that I am compelled to do, fulfilling the goals I have set several years ago, but so elusive that I never found the proper time and place to learn it.  Even if I tried planning to pursue a piano class, it was set aside due to my regular work schedules.  A couple of musician and keyboardist friends tried to convince me to study piano and even told me that they can pitch in to teach me, but I was left waiting and wondering when will be the time they had the energy to do so.

It is a good thing that out of their kindness, they promised.  But that is enough already, and it has led me to nothing.  I have progressed to nothing when it comes to learning piano.  And for now, the eagerness and my determination to learn how to play the piano grew stronger and stronger everyday.  I am so excited imagining how many piano pieces I could be able to play, leisurely at ease.  Of symphonies, orchestra pieces, musical pieces, overtures, preludes and many more waiting there for me to explore.  A daunting challenge for me to know musicology.  I am not contented of merely being purely vocal.  I have an inner need to express more my musicality even further, realizing the inner melodies I have kept humming throughout all these years.

Some maybe surprised to know that I have the ability to compose songs of my own, while riding a cab or a bus.  I am getting inspirations straight from the vibratory rhythms of the car wheels and infusion of surrounding background noises from the street.  The melodies are still fresh on my mind, even if it was long, long time ago, since its very inception. A germination of the musical idea derived through the exploration of our senses.

They say, when a song has been born out from you through your everyday experiences and you still remember them, they are meant to be revealed, creatively shared and exposed for public enjoyment.  Artists had their unique lifestyle – a life of producing and honing their art for expression.  They have also a need for expressing their sublime thoughts, may it be in the form of music, visual art or creative writing.

I don’t believe, when somebody says that a person has a gift for so and so.  In my personal opinion, art can be learned. Talents can be  nurtured gradually through the influences in the environment, or  an individual’s ingrained perceptiveness to their environment and a by-product, or a consequence of an individual’s current life situations, circumstances and past influences. 

I also don’t believe in the notion that one has to spend a considerable amount of time in actually learning an art. Although it might have some merits. The length of time is not a measure how one can evolve eligibly to be called an artist.  Everyone, no matter what their ages may be, have the chance to become artists of their own right, for as long as they have the determination to decode their abilities to express themselves through art. There is no doubt that they will eventually succeed.

Artists are governed by the inner satisfaction they get while genuinely expressing their thoughts through their art.  Artists are governed by the truthfulness of their artistic expression sans the dictates of the prevailing trends,  norm or standards.  Having said that,  most of the celebrated pseudo-artists are merely egotistically bloated and widely publicized musical figures, just for the sake of personal advertisement and cheap breed of entertainment for profit.

True artists of our time are the ones who are hiding away from the spotlight and have chosen to disassociate themselves from the commercialization of the art. True artists, therefore, are the ones who are sticking their hands to the originality and authenticity of their artistic output. In one way or the other, they  might find themselves in the future, being hailed as originators of a new art movement,  a paradigm shift to the art scene.

So, don’t be surprised. I actually mapped it out, this time. I have listed down the things that I will do when I  have learned how to play the piano. Possibilities are endless.  I might have a new song for the choir to sing.  I might have a new song that I can play when celebrating an occasion, and the need for some light music arises.  I might have a recital to be witnessed in a concert hall by a selected few.  The grandest of these plans, might be penning an opera or a musical play to the likes of Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Chess etc.

These lingering thoughts, get me so excited as I imagine my fingers traversing piano keys and weaving some beautiful melodies.  It is a fulfillment that I think, would go beyond compare and can possibly exceed my limitations. It is a lifelong dream, bordering reality.  Soon,  and positively achievable.

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One day.  That is all it takes before I finally stop talking to start thinking and listening to the inner voices I keep on suppressing. On my way home in a ride, a stream of thoughts keep flooding in.  But I shut it off, I just want to stare outside the window pane and fix my eyes to everything that I see.   All that my mind could take.

I hope that I stumble on something.  A new paradigm that my inner self is ready to switch through. Even vague things, I am trying to squueze some sense from it.  Short of saying I am becoming a little bit introspective.

I want to trek some paths I have crossed before.  I want to work out on things I have procrastinated before.  I want to revisit the places that reminds me of who I am.

But this time, I feel depressed of everything that happens out of sync against to what I expect.  I am completely leveled out. I then realize,  that maybe I veer away, so far away from the true conditions I am having for the moment.  I might be having a high opinion about myself that I tend to have a very distorted view of what I am really made of.

This day, I feel like a domino tumbled down, piece by piece. I feel like I  am in a cocoon.  Like a nutshell that is ready to break, but I am holding back.  I am so afraid  and I want to play it safe. But this life would never make me sit here and be comfortable.  Just watching life go by. Doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

It goes from day to day. Not noticing that I am weaving a strong web that chained me.  That constrained me to grow in its real sense. A conditioning that I was led to believe that this way is the right way. And the growing pains of regret has taken its toll on me.

I am so tired of protecting myself.  I am so tired of being afraid to be hurt. So that is the reason why I keep on insulating myself against fear and failure.  I am stuffing myself with cushions of easy to get, easy to be done, and quick fix strategies of living.  Never been brave enough to get out of my comfort zones.

And this day.  Just this one day, the thought of this has shattered my enclosure.  The stronghold of yesterday I have build around me, has been dismantled bit by bit.   As my belief system had evolved into something stronger.  Something truer to the grit.  And my lifetime will venture out with no reason to dictate.  Only my instincts for survival.

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