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Posts Tagged ‘kill’

He keeps me shrouded in shredded pieces

sprawled and reclusive and momentarily

locked up vanishing in mediocrity.

 

Like someone who is afraid of the sanity

and Charles Dicken’s tale of two cities

and I never get to understand Virginia

Woolf, why her heart cries like a wolf

in the night longing for words as

earnest as Oscar Wilde. Dorian must be

some kind of lover of self and boisterous

as Ernest Hemingway. Not in the league

 

of imagination pours in my cup of tea.

Blood of ink flooding in my desk.

Days and days of wandering and wondering

where the words hide in the curtains.

That great expectation.

 

Lucky is Jane Austen for she can choose

not to be shrouded and shredded but

privileged unlike some Emily Bronte’s

Heathcliffe who tries to redeem romance.

Some hearts that pound in the will of the horse

and to kill a mockingbird of Harper Lee.

I hope to catch the rye like JD Salinger.

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On a white bed, someone is sleeping dear

deep to a dreamland of no return but only

strangers and lovers peering translucent

appearing sad as if they were caged

 

by someone whose scythe has killed

and slit the necks of flowers too eager.

And push them into garland and vases

as if sudden death is a beautiful thing.

 

And  the twin blood-red moon gave birth-

two distant runners racing past each other

galloping silken terrain but their footsteps

leave no traces- only their colorless ordeal.

 

They call them tears.

 

Like lamentations of loss, a dirge, a song

wailed and escaped through cracks

and crevices of consciousness. A proof

that breath is extinguished like candles.

 

Whose spirit wafts the room to shake

and pound the doors with its fists

while the priest can no longer hear

the trite confessions of a sinner.

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I left the world as it is

Not a tear has been shed,

Only the mist forming

faint breath of dying-

wisps of memory

of the world when

I first found it.

The womb of the earth

gave birth, a wound won’t heal.

A fading montage

I watched. I witnessed.

A cycle of suffering.

A continuous decay.

People lying lifeless

of hunger, alienation,

war and hate.

Dog eats dog, surviving 

like savages

inflicting pain.  Aimless

generation killing

one another.

Of bombs and guns.

I left the world as it is.

No heroes funeral.

I exited, unnoticed

in blood and death. 

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For such a single detached specie like me, it is so weird that  I wouldn’t take for a consideration the temptestous possibility of finding a mate here in Dubai.  For one obvious reason, that free-wheelers abound in this place, seeking to devour the clueless and the helpless.  Not that I am turning to be a little hypocritical, but basically I am just trying to be rational and stay focus.  I keep reminding myself, that the reason that I had pulled my guts to be away from our country is to provide my family a good future.

Who else would not want that?  Everybody does. And every Filipinos are one and the same to this primary objective. Perhaps, that is the reason many of them, old-timers, keep on rubbing their knuckles white to work here, braving the loneliness and home sickness.

Honestly, beautiful girls are around and you can take your pick, then go on fantasizing.  With big bucks you had in your hand, you can choose to have a haremdom.  But the fact still remains, this one opportunity to make it good must be kept in all rationality.  Yes, we are all angling for a kill. 

And who would even dare to let this opportunity to pass?  Not I.  I would not compromise my values and my virtues just for the sake of having a whimsical adventure.  It is only temporary, so I must plan it carefully and ahead.  I know that I am not getting any younger, and I have to make use of the time left for me to build up for my own stability.  I would want that if the opportunity to work here in Dubai becomes saturated with stiff competition and work becomes less available, I have saved enough for the rainy day.

I know that no matter how I chose to be always on the move, time will come that I will be back to embrace the motherland.  And I dont want to become another liability. 

I would rather spend my time cultivating my self to become a better person.  Not the other way around.  I would not like to go on things that will self-destruct me and cause innocent people to be burdened with complex issues.  I would rather have my own loneliness being dealt with my spiritual relationship with God. 

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