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Posts Tagged ‘friendship’

Today, marks my two hundred and one days of solitude.

It gave me a sense of fulfillment to know that I have stayed through all these years writing the many vivid facets of my mind, heart and soul. Writing became my constant companion whom I can share and reflect on the intimate, smallest and minutest detail in life we often take for granted.

For the longest time, I have used poetry as a creative platform to express the richness of my personal experiences and the joy of the inner travels I have had.  I have had prose/essay  pieces before, but I have decided to channel my creative energy to poetry as the less exposed literary medium and thereby avoiding the pitfalls of being confessional.

As I have said before,  it is my intention to utilize this blog for the purpose of personal expression. It was not my intention to commercialize my creative output for monetary gain or seeking personal favors from anyone or any business entity. 

With the creative collaboration with my fellow blog writer friends, I acknowledge the tremendous help I have gained through their constructive feedback that develop me more maturely in tackling explorative writing subjects. I am poised to continue writing without constraint on the boundaries of belief, religion, age, philosophy or political ideology.  I maintained a free but a sober mind discoursing the merits of our humanity without prejudice and without the sacrifice of the value system I uphold.

Nevertheless, may the years ahead prove to be a fruitful creative writing endeavor.  It was my hope, that my creative writing serves as an inspiration, an honest reflection, and an essential guide to the paths of self-discovery, higher level of understanding and this life’s noble existence.

To my readers, I thank you for the valuable friendship, readership and patronage you have given me through all the years. This, I consider as an anchor for me to forge ahead and keep on writing.

I would like to share the prose/ essay / poetry listed in my book of days as follows;

 1)      Country Music

2)      What Motivates Me?

3)      Work

4)      Childhood Friendship (Part 1)

5)      Young At Heart

6)      Amarantine (Enya)

7)      Before Sunrise

8)      Breakout

9)      Happiness Is A Hammock Under A Shady Tree

10)  Farewell To Sunset

11)  My China Connection

12)  If You Never Say Goodbye

13)  Four Corners of Isolation

14)  Man In The Mirror

15)  Ladies in Lavender

16)  Starwars Saga

17)  Capsule Of Perfect Moment

18)  Overwhelmingly Entertained By Poverty

19)  The Kite

20)  Afraid Of The Future

21)  Burning Ladder Into Oblivion

22)  Lucid

23)  Elegy To The Departed

24)  Sunday Music Blues

25)  Commodity Of Choice

26)  Top Ten Picks On The Youth Chart

27)  Voices Of The Walking Merchant

28)  Universe Of Virtual Worlds

29)  White Flag

30)  Autumnal Equinox

31)  Indeed

32)  Liberty From Monotony

33)  Dead Poet’s Society

34)  Singlehood

35)  Hongkong In My Mind

36)  Pay Scales

37)  Antisocial

38)  Rude Awakening

39)  Diary

40)  Outsourced Economy

41)  Great Leaping Forward

42)  Tombstones

43)  City Surrealist

44)  Filtered Through

45)  Paradigm Shift

46)  October Rain

47)  Nocturne

48)  Deja’vu

49)  Hedonistic Survival

50)  Two Women

51)  Anger Scythe

52)  Refusing To Learn

53)  Waiting Room

54)  Quotes From My Fave Movies

55)  Passion For The Arts

56)  A Long Year’s Sabbath

57)  Daylight

58)  United 93

59)  Half-Filled

60)  A Prayer

61)  Ratholes And Bay Reveries

62)  In The Silence Of The Heart

63)  Sorting Out Life

64)  Rock Bottom

65)  Angling For A Kill

66)  Little Wings

67)  Frame Of A Thought

68)  Journey To Neverland

69)  A Nugget Of A Kindness

70)  Dreaming Of Pakistan

71)  No Explanations

72)  In The Foothills Of Fujairah

73)  This Way Up

74)  The Rebel

75)  Long Wait

76)  Promise Of Rain

77)  Whiskey Lullaby

78)  Trip To Quiapo

79)  Anachronism

80)  Conform To Belong

81)  Beautiful Mind

82)  Snapshots From The Edge

83)  Dream Believer

84)  30 Minutes

85)  Happy Kid

86)  Munad

87)  A Teacher’s Worth

88)  Love Letters In The Sand

89)  On A Moonless Night

90)  Quiet Contemplation

91)  Classmates In Grade School

92)  Return To Innocence

93)  Drafter’s Board

94)  Rendezvous

95)  Urban Owl

96)  Slow As The Wind Blows

97)  Chance Passenger

98)  Bottom Dollar

99)  One Foggy Morning

100)    3:100

101)    Winter’s Ode

102)    Soledad

103)    Visions Of Arabia

104)    Last Sixty Seconds

105)    Rocket Idea

106)    Unknown

107)    Dinner For Two

108)    Musings Of A Thirty Something

109)    Words To Live By

110)    Life Uncommon

111)    Canine Memories

112)    Rehearsing Love

113)    Blank Canvas In A Lazy Afternoon

114)    Highway And The Stranger

115)    Paper Trail

116)    The Day I Met The One

117)    While Listening Alison Krauss

118)    Like A Desert Meets The Rain

119)    Some Faded Photographs

120)    Haiku To A Hideaway

121)    Death Of A Little Bird

122)    Solace

123)    Absent Minded

124)    Confessional As Plath

125)    The Wake-up Call

126)    Halfway Through A Page

127)    Black And White

128)    Aurora Borealis

129)    Musically Challenged

130)    Embers

131)    Memories Are Cheap

132)    Pasig River And The Warrior Child

133)    New Leaf On Living

134)    Bicycle Ride

135)    I Left The World As It Is

136)    Paint The Words

137)    Adaptation

138)    Reflections On The Puddles

139)    Tickets

140)    Moonscape

141)    A Moth In The Flame

142)    Clothesline

143)    Sketches

144)    Monochrome

145)    Bedspace

146)    Captive In Babylon

147)    Vignette On Yesterday

148)    Bye Bye, Yellow Butterfly

149)    Chiaroscuro

150)    Prairie Walk

151)    Lost For Words

152)    Sundown Over Umm Ghuwailina

153)    Ryan

154)    Kinesthetic

155)    Counting

156)    Alphabet

157)    Ghost Whisperer

158)    Orion’s Belt

159)    Rhapsody In Blue

160)    Click Shut Down

161)    The Solitary Task Of Writing

162)    Immersion

163)    Stamps And Postmarks

164)    An Everyman’s Tragedy

165)    Paper Boats

166)    Birthday Candle

167)    Second Thought

168)    Nil

169)    Lukewarm

170)    Touchdown

171)    Ink Must Wait

172)    Great Divide

173)    Sugar For Coffee

174)    Half Truth

175)    On The Last Chapter

176)    Quatrain For The Dying Tree

177)    Dapples

178)    Keys To Some Secrets

179)    Wind Swept

180)    Detached

181)    To Pablo Neruda

182)    Opaque

183)    Scribbling

184)    Burned Bridges

185)    Moonquake

186)    She Sings

187)    Parachute

188)    Earth Sounds

189)    Oeuvre

190)    Watermark

191)    Once Solitary Shell

192)    Grandfather’s Clock

193)    Vanishing Point

194)    Nightfall

195)    Tryst

196)    Laundry For The Firstborn

197)    Finding The Light

198)    Bliss

199)    Phantom Of A Dream

200)    Avalanche

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We have cried together, seeing

the pages of our lives torn into pieces.

And how we knitted to rebuild it,

and washed them like dirty linens

in the laundry. Just like a potter

we build and sculpt in us

a new mold of the world

we never knew existed.

 

We exchanged our boxes

of secrets and a set of keys.

 

We swore by the heart. And

made a vow that we would keep

them locked and tightly sealed.

That we would be keeping each

other’s stories, only to ourselves

and no one else. And for the longest

possible time, it  has come to a point,

a reckoning. The seal of promise

had been broken.

 

Unlocking my box and spilling

the foam of words into little teardrops-

they fall like brimstones and fire

from the night sky, now. And the moon

must have hidden its face turning

into red, in anger and in shame. Bleeding

in the agony of a broken promise.

An impending death to a friendship.

 

Still, I am keeping my silence, thinking deeply

if it is worth to hide your keys in my pocket?

If keeping your box tightly sealed, or at once,

let them out in the open, will exact revenge?

While my flesh quivered at the thought

of why would you dare crossing the line,

betraying my trust. While my bones splintered

at the thought that I would dearly want you

squirm in your own bloodbath, redeeming self.

 

But I decided not to. 

 

Letting the ghost of your betrayal haunt you down

into your grave. A tormented soul, wandering

the dark halls searching for some kind of atonement.

Asking forgiveness.

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I was searching through the friends list on my Friendster, when suddenly a name came accross my mind.  Yeah, I was looking for this friend for so long and now I am typing her name on the blank spaces anticipating that the search engines will come up with some positive results. Voila!! There she goes. She is all, well, right there in front of my eyes.

I read through her profile page and there I go clicking my way through her photographs.  Satisfied of what I have seen. I glanced through her friends list and to my surprise, she managed to keep track of almost all our classmates in grade school. For eighteen long years, I have tried to veer away for possible contact, I must confess. I just have this gut feel that my grade school life should be shelved like a book. Because I felt, it must end there.  Right there at the graduation night.

But tonight, my mind wanders back in time, and in disbelief on how we managed to age wonderfully through the years up to our primes. Some have proudly become mothers and fathers. Some still remained single like me.  Some are on the other side of the world.  Some have chosen to stay back in our hometown. But regardless of what each of us has eventually have become and have been to, the truth of the matter is, we will always be classmates.

That is one connection that binds us all.  That is one connection that transcends above social status, lifestyle preferences, idealogies, and religious differences. What matters, is that we came to know  an essential part of each other during those old school days.  That there are some things that had remained unchanged. Within. And that is what worth holding on.

And I am glad to reminisce those times. Those silly times, that you would rather forget, but you can’t. Puppy loves, crushes and the like. Bullying, crying games and spanking from teacher moments. Cramming for periodical exams, copying of assignments before classes begin and all sorts of cheating. Those mid-afternoon games we used to play like tumbang preso, patintero, chinese garter, hide and seek etc.

Ah, you would always remember the noisiest, the silent ones, the nerdy types (I think I am), the beauty queens and kings of the class. The tallest, the shortest, the fairest, the brainiest, the smartest and the laziest. And who would forget the one being assigned to list down the noisy and troublesome in the class, the class president? And the sergeant-at-arms in tow?

The morning cleaning times. The flag ceremonies.  The drum and bugle practices. The choir. The calisthenics.  The recess time, anyone? Oh, how about the district meet. The sports meet. The demo week. The Linggo ng Wika. The Christmas parties.  The Boyscout and Girlscout camping. And most of all, the recognition day.  Oh, I almost forgot the slumbooks, the songhits and of the spiders hidden on some yellow matchboxes.

I must admit, I enjoy most of the time climbing star-apple trees and perched among its branches like a monkey observing other school girls and school boys who either play in school grounds or just seating on concrete benches poring over some notes. And my memory of the grade school never ends with wonderment. Did I really have gone through that?  What a joy to be so young! Such an enjoyment! And who would believe that we are so far-away from being those silly school girls and school boys from what we are today?

I regret to have said that my grade school life should be shelved like a book.  I felt that  there is a need for a time that this book will be inevitably opened. And each of us who had became part of the book, should step forward into the light and give it some life.  Possibly,  to begin writing some new chapters on the book, about lasting friendship among us.  Definitely.  Definitely some of our paths will yet cross again. We’ll see.

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The sweet girl has finally became a complete woman. A mother. As I watch little Rian in the webcam, kicking the football toy held by his mom, I cannot hold back the tears from welling my eyelids. I am so happy with this friend who once had the sweetest smile, with her good-naturedness and hearty laugh. I miss her so greatly.

So many years had passed. Thousand miles apart from islands to islands. Friends do come and go. But there will always be some friendship that is meant to last.  Whenever I remember  Che, my memories keep flooding in with happy thoughts. Of clowning around. Of joking around. Of running around like horses out in the playground. Of mimicking our classroom teachers’ usual mannerisms.  Of talking loudly along the hallway as if there is no tomorrow.

The zest for life has never left from her eversince. Or is it, really her lifestyle to be happy even if things around her are less likely ideal? I never had seen her crying over petty things.  I never had seen her quarelling with somebody else. She is our Mother Teresa.  She lead us to be more spiritual. She beams with positivism.

She just enjoy being young and free. But early on she has a well-defined purpose to become a better person. You will expect her looking always at the bright side of things. Being around her, is such an oasis, a place where you can have a respite among the oddities of life.

Her faith in God has somehow lead her to be a wonderful mom to Rian.  It never had in any moment dampen her will to be happy.  Her happiness somehow reflects on how Rian manage to kick his football toys in sheer enjoyment. Her jolly spirit is indelibly marked down on Rian’s personality.  And in her child’s eyes I see the happy kid I was once had the chance to become friends with. In her child’s giggly laugh I hear the infectious enthusiasm that she always had throughout the years.

These few frame images  in the webcam, shown how well my friend has become. But how well she had always been true to herself. And how wonderful person she had always become. And the fear, that maybe she too has changed immensibly, dissipated in the thin jolly air of laughter and joking around.

I know someday Rian will be proud to have a mom like her. I know someday Rian will realize how beautiful life is.  Sooner or later, he too will be one of those kids running around like horses out in the playground. And for that he will always be thankful of what he become a happy kid.

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How fleeting the moments are.  But the memory amazingly records the details of the past, so vividly that it makes the past a thing of yesterday. I remember how we talked about life in the wee hours in the night.  How I enjoy the intellectual exchange of ideas and views.  How I differ from them on perceiving key issues and ideologies from that time.  How innocent we are on what lies ahead and keep on weaving dreams under a starry sky.

How can I forget that we made our own little world apart from the rest, where each of us share the laughters and tears over circumstances that we cannot control.  And the promises that we made for each other, that if time will come and we have to separate ways, the friendship that we have, will last until lifetime.  Till we build our own future and have our own families, we promised to keep that connection that will bind us through eternity.

And years have gone by, we are out there trying to catch the sun and moon, and were full of hope that the day will eventually come.  And the time has finally arrived and we were facing each other.  The instincts have told us that there were conversations left in the past that have to be continued.  That there are promises that have to be kept and we need to put those missing life chapters into light.  Once again.  The tales of our lives were retold by the interplay of the rewinded bits of past and the fastforwarded thoughts of our  future.

I will not forget the feeling of excitement of meeting my childhood friends. And it has come to the point, that they are actually my sisters. Whenever I am with them, I have been shifted back to my sanity.  And there are things that cannot be hidden and they will eventually know.  They have a way with me, how in a way they inspire, make or break me.

There are times that the odds will definitely be two against one or one against two.  But that will not stop us clinging back together again to the pieces where we have both been.  Life is getting tougher on us, but  we now  understand how things go and have to be like that.  Accepting, that no matter what road may lead us, each of us will be equally happy for each other. 

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