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Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Today is January 1 of 2009,  I woke up early,  surprised why there are no lights from my windows.  Normally, I see car headlights in the street and lighted windows from the buildings each morning.  Looking at the clock, time seems to have overstepped its normal pace.

I came out of the front door and there the street is heavy with fog.  Ah,  that’s why.  I head out for the carlift waiting for me to take me to work. I sensed the driver is freezing. I greeted him and started to talk about how mesmerizing the fog was. 

What a way to celebrate the new year! One foggy morning with almost zero visibility on the road. And a day of work.  This has been the first time for me to spend new year working and without a Christmas break.

The fog has secretly dampen this special day.  I pulled out the digital camera and started flicking road photographs. But the images are eerily cold compared to what this day actually means and it consistently reminded me that in this part of the globe, western new year is faintly felt.  I just leave it like that.  Like a normal day. Same as others.

My thoughts of new years passed keep me company.  I remember the images of fireworks that glitters in the sky while people are revelling and shouting Happy New Year.  I remember Media Noche I used to share with family and the karaoke sessions. And the many things that make you crave to be there back home.

This one day is a hard one. I am faced with the reality that I am welcoming it here alone. Hoping that sometime, next year I would be there celebrating the holidays with my family and friends, together.  But for now, I should carry on like others braving it through the years. No matter what.

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Perhaps, Teofi

the promises of your future withers too soon

like the leaf falling early in the summer

where we frolicked in the fountain of our energies;

and bask in the heat of our freedom;

and in the nest of fermenting dreams with another human.

I can tell Teofi, how sad is the early goodbye

where you breathed your last and let go

without questioning  who deserves to live more

and without crying over your half-empty cup.

So long that I suddenly stop, I remember

your acid- washed litanies and the morbidity

of your soul longing to be understood.

I fail to grasp the hidden images of your words

to the point of harboring steely tears

over the innocence of your chameleon smiles.

Perhaps Leden,

I cannot fathom the depths of your pain

as if the morrow of your life leaking silently

until the thousand roses leave those lips.

I may not hear you scream to the bowels of the night

fighting the demons of what cruel love has.

Let me feel, the inability of you pointing fingers

to a person who has destroyed your world as if

I can paint the sky with hatred and revenge.

Let me hear  you sing in the divine discontent

of your heart seeking to embrace

the fullness of the glorious unfolding

beyond the corners of your abode.

Perhaps Grandpa,

I can cry me a river searching for the clown

of my many Christmasses and Easter Sundays.

Of letting the clouds softly traversing

like the music of the yesteryears

you keep playing on the radio.

I can say that you choose to live the most

but you never have told me that I

will be missing so much a part of the child

that was taken from me since you’ve gone.

Perhaps,

I would have not lived at all since then,

of querrying, of imagining how death

must have snatched me from my mother’s hand.

All along,  I might be carrying this imaginary coffin,

grieving among the countless earthworms swarming

and crowding the earth

in the numbness of our existence.

Forgetful and aimless like a dead man walking.

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