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Archive for the ‘Memoirs’ Category

Search me, oh my spirit

at the riptide on my blue veins.

I am at the end of the line

in the deep ocean I lay.

I let the undercurrent shake

my foundations of faith

moored and hidden

a wreckage-

 

beneath the sea weeds

and coral cloisters

beached with visions.

Murkier as mud clouds,

adrift in liquid abyss

disturbed my soul. I

 

an abandoned cast-away.

The once mighty crusader

sailed the troubled waters

has now dropped the anchors.

 

Weighed down, crashed,

beaten and ravaged.

I had forgotten the buoy

afloat in its hope. Angel

caught in the maelstrom

shroud in its mystery

just like a prayer.

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I had a habit of putting off words,

out of fear and out of shame.

Those liberal and unorthodox thoughts

you may find offensive and tagged as madness.

I never came across, closer to mean

that I am thinking about you.

 

It’s like a hand in the glove.

Emotions I can grasp but can’t touch.

What is happening? Chains that I’m trying

to break loose. Adrift, peace that comes

to knowing that I had offered honesty

at your table to feast. I regret not

 

about the words which were locked

and hidden from my heart. Words

which are meaningless now

and will never touch your heart.

I leave it to fate to bring

the silent messages,

mute and unspoken.

I let go.

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Stare out of the window

while the sun greets you.

Smile at the beauty of the leaf

giggling at the wind’s kisses.

You can dream while you’re awake

basking at your solitary pleasure

in isolation, without discontent.

 

Your mind paints on the canvas

the memories that has flesh and bones.

You can touch them with your imagination.

And your shadow whispers at something

about being in love, with life

and the pain is fleeting. Moving

like pictures of the waves at sea,

clouds sojourning the blue sky,

and the sun bids goodnight.

 

The wine will lose its spirit.

The midnight lamp extinguishes.

The sounds will soften.

But sleep will shy away

to the oceans of many

thousand nights before

with the stars shine bright.

For another day is here

reminiscing in solitude.

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Another death comes typical

like the ones before. 

 

It’s the last nail on the trading post.

Faded signs becoming too obvious now.

The weeds have grown unkempt. Abandoned,

when a familiar shadow is missing.

No one travels from here.

 

It’s okay to catch some empty promises.

Like empty quarters and the city streets

that once filled with lucid sojournings

of midnight vultures needing some spaces

to spare in the magic hours.

 

Reality is harsh and it will whip you to bleed.

It’s unforgiving by the minute

the sparks have died down from the remnants

of a dying star. Tethered and servile

to the gravity of its shepherd moons.

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At the phone, I stare

waiting for signals

burning like fireflies,

embers and ashes

through the wire.

Fall into thoughts

less words.

 

The longest night

of killing the hours.

Pushing freewill.

Catching Morse codes-

to smoke or not

to smoke puff floats

in luminescent air.

 

You win again.

When the cable lines

gather raindrops

hanging low, dazed.

And confused as if

glimmering like tears

I, since the morning,

broken at a distance.

 

Like other nights

betting on a chance,

my silence is born.

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I look at the numbers wishing and hoping

the sun will eclipse now, anytime soon

to kill boredom and dread afflicting souls

shoving imaginary hands of tyranny

strangling the life in humans.

 

I see squares in blank paper,

in blank screens contained in a box

with four corners I can’t retreat nor surrender

to the establishment who pays the rent.

Whose only consolation is a shape on the wall-

 

you call window with a view of the outside,

leaves from trees hissing and teasing

about the monotony of the lines.

Too much lines I followed and treaded

on a high wire. In surreal silence

 

like years and ages etched into my face.

It filled the pillow of dreams each night

I imagined that I won’t bow down

to that desk anymore. Slaved to wait

the longest minutes I run until it’s time to go.

 

I dreamt that there’ll be no more squares

but orbs and circles beyond the hours.

No more visions of clocks slowing seconds

and inner screams burning out at its grip.

Only time, a ticking bomb for a meltdown.

 

10 hours

as if they own me.

Dead line.

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You are once a stranger

and I trusted no one, until

you intrude my world.

And I regret letting you in.

 

I allow you to change some

of my usual routines, I thought

there’s a universe unknown

to me, a seemingly cold sphere.

 

I disentangled my defences.

You decoded a mystery.

Castles of steel foddered

by wordsmiths of belief.

 

My mind’s a map while you roam

outside, driving its secret streets

chasing phantasm and it throbs

like sleepless butterfly.

 

And jealousy just hits me.

You are a beautiful dream

I should’ve let escape my grasp-

a curse clasped with my hands.

 

You can share a meal.

You can share a bed.

You can let somebody else

touch you in eleven minutes.

 

You can be part of the city

in its thrilling rendezvous

with strangers becoming

your friends and soon, lovers.

 

I need to understand why

I should not restrain your eyes

from seeing another beauty

when everything starts-

 

And everything ends.

To know it when nothing’s

supposed to end a choice

to be free pursuing happiness.

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