I sense a dark storm is looming over.
Someone told me that I should not be afraid
of all the tragedy impending. Even if the winds
blow me empty at will, I should not cower.
There are intruders- those unwelcomed visitors
breaking and entering the skin I lived in.
I forgot the keys, my memory slips
down in the labyrinth of forgetting.
I search for clues, deciphering a code
among the pages in the book of days.
I misplaced the sign- “don’t disturb”
among the shards of broken plates,
of broken glasses in the kitchen.
Where did I put our picture frame?
I can only hear whispers from strangers
whose faces I have seen for the first time.
Ruling my house as if they’re kings and queens
breaching a territory, our serfdom of privacy.
I blame these disrespectful marauders
for letting me swim deeper into the pool.
I got tangled in the maze, finding myself.
Don’t they know it’s an abyss down here?
Don’t they know how it feels to get lost
sinking deeper among piles and boxes
of photographs, of letters, searching-
a faint remembrance of the two of us.
They keep on robbing me of something.
Solitude Amidst the Maddening Crowd
I read this through and took a deep breath and then read it again, daring to put myself as the first person and look out at my strangers, the family, and watch the forgotten things drift in and out. What a magnificent piece of writing. I felt myself tripping over and trying to grasp the words and give them meaning and it drifted in who I was. It felt like what I have understood a person suffering from Alzheimers might feel. What a crippling illness and I hope a cure is near, Marvin. You paint with words!
dear leslie,
you are indeed right. i am writing about someone who has alzheimers, as the subject of this poem. i can’t exactly describe how painful it was for someone to forget the people who are dear to him/her due to this disease. don’t you think that this is one of the tearful ironies? people whom you are so familiar with becoming complete strangers? sometimes, i think, that this also happens literally even without the disease…equally painful.
however, i would take your comment as celebratory. it is a triumph of the spirit. and i thank you for completing the whole picture of the words that i have written. all of us, are adding up years to our book of days, and our strength will wane until then. but i guess, the best that we can do, is to be at our best- be it loving, be it working, be it living life to the fullest. godspeed and all the best to you leslie 🙂
You are so wise, Marvin. Yes, in answer to your question, the distance created from loved ones has got to be painful for both parties. Divorce is painful but one or both parties make the decision to separate, one from the other. With alzheimers there is no choice. Think of the frustration that the person suffering goes through as they grasp something only to lose it and so forth. The relatives are placed in an awful spot to unconditionally love and suffer loss while the loved one is still here.
It is celebratory from the standpoint that you were able to get me in the skin so I could know my worth of days. Thank you.
dear leslie,
you aptly put the right words in its context. it is about unconditional love. the one thing that remains amidst the hurt and pain of being with people who are suffering from their loss of memory. thanks for this, and i believe the poem has effectively shed a particular light on alzheimers and how it could affect the very foundations of the family. godspeed indeed.